Dont look down on me

Dont look down on me
for shitting twice in one day
i wouldnt have it any other way

One might be an early

One might be an early riser
that doesnt mean you should postpone
the clearing of the bowels

What a relief 50 pounds

What a relief
50 pounds of dead weight
quickly ejected and lost forever

The rays of the sun

The rays of the sun beat so kindly from the eastern sky
but only when on the throne can life refuse to quit and die

The walls are rather tiny

The walls are rather tiny and shoddy
but relief is clear in this port o potty

Constipation leads to writers block

Constipation leads to writers block
a poets words can suddenly stop
and the world will cease to spin around

Lend me a piece of paper
And I will draw you the world
Lend me a piece of toilet paper
And you may not want it back

Speak your thoughts you gentle

Speak your thoughts you gentle muse
strength and courage willingly use
But when the bladder speaks one cant refuse

Sitting and shitting should show

Sitting and shitting should show some
that squatting and potting is so dumb

And if the clouds might

And if the clouds might impede
the growing of a gracious seed
be sure to keep on keeping on
And fail to so easy heed

I am an idealist
This is not ideal
In a world where things are seen
From a perspective dubbed "real"
Is there no one else who still holds visions of youthful glee?
Is there no one else who dreams, but me?
Well false to this I say,
For the only things real thus far in my day
Are the coffee in my mug, the dirt stain on my shoe, and the walls at which I am staring from this bathroom stall too
But none too real do I ever find
The complaints of the daily political grind
Yes I too can fear, I'm not an idiot, I said idealist
Maybe learn to read before you start to preach
But why can't I, for once deny the notion that anything ideal is laughably surreal?
And if I'm wrong, so be it
I'll believe it when I see it
At least I can find comfort in my dreams
much like the comfort I find exploring my mind from the edges of this toilet seat
Carry on as you wish, I have my own beat

Morning Sun

As the morning sun gently rises
Bringing a day of endless surprises
and the fields of victory are ripe for those to reap
heart sings its high pitched shrill
moving faster than a Chinese fire drill
for the fruits of todays labor are only yours to keep

Yonder eastern sun shines nurturing light
To which provide endless delight
And do with which can only one decide
Carpe Diem is the way
To live by every day
Without which will happiness subside.

Toilet Seat Heat

Seemingly worlds apart
Our hearts in unison beat
Longing for your kiss
My lips feel incomplete
Every time ours touch
They generate enough heat
To keep 10,000 igloos warm
No other 4 lips can compete
That for this spark for long I've longed
I hope history will repeat
But at present time I'll end this rhyme
And say "I'm thinking of you, from my favorite toilet seat"

Ice coffee makes my bladder cold
so extreme i can barely hold
my feces in my skin so tight
but o it just feels so right

Newton's Dilemma

O Gravity! Help me with my task
of relieving my bladder, and do it fast
For without the touch you provide
My poo would stay in my belly
No matter what the tide

-by the Throne Master

Tap Dance

Tap tap/pop pop
That's the way my nuggets drop
However big, however small
They all get flushed in the same stall
But if I rise far in advance
One may just drop right in my pants

WELCOME!

When nature calls, the thoughts begin
A poem forms from the gaseous winds
And all the petty problems of the day
With one big flush get washed away
Inscribe these thoughts and you'll soon see
Its a one way ticket to immortality